10 family tested and fun ways to help brothers and sisters get along...
Playmates, adversaries, sworn enemies, friends for life. Siblings can be all of these t one another, sometime in the same afternoon. Its a challenge, after all, to share just about everything: toys, chores, a parent's attention. So in the interest of promoting sibling harmony and, yes, even fun, we asked readers to tell us how they encourage their kids to get along. Here, we present their smartest solutions, including techniques that teach sibling appreciation, way to nip squabble in the bud, and a calendar that inspires not-so-random acts of kindness. And although these ideas won't guarantee you perpetual peace and quiet, they will help introduce your kids to some really terrific people: each other!
*simple strategy*
sibling SOS
(to help build strong bonds, teach kids to rely on one another)
How do you get children of various ages with different interests to feel connected? When kids need help with something encourage them whenever possible to ask a sibling instead of a parent. The result? Knowing they can count on one another translates into mutual affection.
*argument ender*
five good names
(turn the table on name calling with this clever rule)
When you hear your sibling spats degenerate into name calling, step-in and ask them to retract the insult and add five good names in its place. The rule not only defuses arguments, it also helps them look at what they like and admire in each other.
*daily ritual*
making nice
(pose this simple dinnertime question to get siblings doing good deeds)
Sometimes promoting brotherly and sisterly love is as easy as making a small change in your routine - add three words to their regular dinnertime question. Instead of, "What did you do today?" ask "What did you do that was nice today?" That little addition has made a big difference in the home of the Mercado family. Cheryl (mother) says, "they go through the day thinking ahead about the nice things they'll do," something that's made her kids more considerate of others people - especially one another.
*simple strategy*
the giving calendar
(remind kids to be nice with a few scheduled acts of kindness)
To shift their kids focus from themselves to those around them - including their siblings - the Mattox's, buy calendars every December for their daughters. "When we see the 'me monsters' coming out, we ask the girls to get their calendars. With their parents help the girls brainstorm two weeks worth of kind acts each, which are written in the Monday through Friday squares and duly performed on those days. (the girls are encouraged to be spontaneous on weekends) Over the years, their selfless acts have included giving out hugs, hiding a nice note in a jacket pocket, and weeding a neighbor's garden. And while their beneficiaries have included friends and teachers, more often than not they've looked to each other. They will start to doing nice things for each other even when they're not scheduled.
*fun incentive*
bakers' day
(cook up some sibling cooperation in the kitchen)
It was 9-year-old Jamie's love for cooking that inspired her mother to approach sibling bonding. She suggested that Jamie and her brother whip up a sweet treat each Saturday, known in their house as Bakers' Day. They had a deal that if the kids didn't argue while they were cooking, they would get to eat their creation as soon as it was ready. If they failed to cooperate (rare!), the treats are delivered to their grandparents. The kids would do all the mixing and measuring, then Mom would join them when its time to use the oven. Food has proven to be the glue that's cemented their relationship. As they've learned to work together in the kitchen, that has carried over to the rest of the time they spend together.
*easy reward*
the red plate
(make sure good deed don't go unnoticed)
To help create stronger bonds among her kids, Virginia purchased a bright red ceramic dish to add to the family's all-white set. Then she explained that a child who has done something thoughtful for a sibling, such as helping with chores, would get to eat off the special plate that day. What's more, the kids were charged with nominating one another for the honor. Being recognized this way really helps them feel good about themselves and each other.
*simple strategy*
the power of the pen
(encourage siblings to see one another's strengths)
Several reader told us they used journal writing to strengthen their kids' relationship. A few nights a week, two sisters end their day by dictating an entry to their mom. There are two ground rules: each girl has to record something good about her day and something she likes about her sister. Mom, Hannah says that besides teaching to see the good in each other, the ritual has given her an interesting new perspective on their relationship. A mom in Texas, uses special notebooks to help her four kids appreciate one another more. Once a month, the family spreads the books on the table and each pens an affectionate message or cartoon in each of the other kids' books. "As we watch the pages fill up and the messages mature, I realize what prized keepsakes these notebooks are going to be."
*fun incentive*
weekend camp-in
(offer a special way for siblings to spend time together)
Most weekends in the Pelsos house the kids have a camp-in. On Friday and Saturday nights, the kids' job is to decide where they want to sleep (in a tent in the master bedroom, on the sleeper sofa, or in one another's bunk beds) and what movie they would like to watch. "They love it and it's a fun way to teach them to make decisions together", says mom. And because the camp-in is a privilege based on good behavior, it gives them a big incentive to get along during the week.
*argument ender*
don't fight - write!
(have kids write about a disagreement to help them calm down)
When sisters Nevin and Kaylin start to bicker, they're more likely to write it out than fight it out. So mom asks them to get pencil and paper and then write down what happened. "It encourages them to think about what they said and did, and helps them to cool down." Often they exchanges letters that contains mutual apologies and occasionally a heartfelt peace offering. The bonus: they get a chance to practice their writing skills!
*easy reward*
the get-along jar
(give your kids a good reason to work together)
Weary of sibling squabbles, Mom Mindy was looking for a positive way to encourage her children to cooperate. She found an empty jar and told them that every time she "caught" them working together or helping the other, she'd put a quarter in the jar. When the jar was full, the children would get to decide how to spend the money - with one important restriction: whatever they chose had to be something they could share or do together. So far, the kids have used their quarters to visit an ice cream shop, the zoo, and the local discovery museum. Mindy say the jar has done more than just reward good behavior, though: "Having a common purpose have taught my kids how to cooperate.
(the article was in FamilyFun magazine and written by Leslie Garisto Pfaff)
